Difference between a Discussion and Argument

I came across this explanation of the distinction between a discussion and an argument giving credit to an unknown source while perusing Facebook.
I loved their definition since it’s exactly what I’ve been trying to accomplish by doing my best to avoid getting into disagreement with anyone, whether strangers, coworkers, friends, or relatives.

That post that I read said that, In a discussion we are trying to identify “What is right?”, while in an argument people are trying to prove “Who is right?”  When you know the difference between the two, it can help you identify the conversations that would be worth your time and effort to immerse yourself and help you grow as a person.

To further elaborate the definition of the two words, I would like to set this example. If you enter a discussion, in my opinion both parties will be considered as winners. While in an argument, only one party will become the winner, what’s worst is that both parties will be considered as losers.

IN A DISCUSSION…
Both parties are winners, because in a discussion you are trying to identify “WHAT is RIGHT?”, which means you are not there to prove the other person is wrong, you will be engaged into the discussion because both of you wants to benefit from the results of the conversation.

Discussions can be like a battle field of thoughts and ideas, however, in this battlefield people are willing to listen to people around them. If In a team, leaders are willing to listen to their people’s thoughts, suggestions, and advice, thus, allowing their team to find better tactics and strategies that would help them solve problems that they encounter for them to win the battle. In a discussion, you are promoting healthy conflict in your team, if you are the leader you are not limiting the potential contribution of your members to the team, because you encourage them to express their opinion in the situation, with no fear of getting retribution just because of disobeying orders or going against your opinion.

Let me use an example something that I said to some of my close friends who are living with me in my house. When we were talking about finances and some future plans. I advice them that they need to go get a regular job that can help them to earn a living and that they should be smart with their finances.

During that discussion, I told them the difference between people who are trying to control you and correct you. When I say people who are controlling you, these are people who wants to keep you inside of the box, imposing on you something that will not benefit you and limits your potentials, they are also people who wants to always have you  follow orders even when the orders are no longer beneficial on your part. On the other hand someone who tries to correct you is somebody who provide you advice but doesn’t necessarily impose that you follow the advice, because this person believes in freewill and that it’s still your decision to do what you think is right.

I explained the difference between the two, because, I didn’t want my friends to feel like I’m trying to impose it on them, because I wanted them to understand it on their own that finding a job and being smart with their finances will be beneficial for both me and them. In that discussion with my friends, it’s not about me being right, it’s about us being rational thinkers and knowing what is right.

I remember a long time martial arts mentor who got mad at me for quoting this mentality of mine, this mentor is that one who told me that I will never reach my goals when he read this post about “controlling and correcting”. Even though I didn’t mention his name in that post, and I wasn’t pertaining to him when I gave that as an example in one of my Facebook post. After that experience, I realized that this person is not worth my time and my loyalty.

In a discussion you get to keep healthy relationships, without surrounding yourself with YES people, who are afraid to tell you their real opinions, because they can’t talk to you straight forward and because they fear they might offend you.

I always try to tell my friends that we should be open to discussions, and  I really advice them and my students to remember be really be careful in evaluating people’s intentions. Sometimes we get mad with people who are there to be truthful to you by telling you painful words, and yet appreciate people who are trying to fool you with their sweet talks. This is common with parents and children relationships from where we think some parents are trying to control your life, yet in fact their intentions would be to correct you.

This is also the case with leaders and boss’s that you would meet along the way. You might be offering your loyalty and service to people who don’t have the intention to help you grow as a person and a professional. You might encounter leaders and boss’s that will not be focus to help you instead focus to enslave you and use you for their benefit alone. Try to remember and identify traits of people who are there to try and control you and to use you, from those who are there who are concern enough to correct you.

If you think some people around you are showing traits of wanting to control you, learn to walk away as early as possible or else you will be wasting a lot of your time and time is something that these people can never return back to you. Only the bad experience of doubt and regret that you would have for yourself for wasting your time and effort in working for these people.

“Sometimes quitting is the best move, and having the intelligence to know when to walk away is important.” – Robert Kiyosaki

I truly love the qoute of Jac ma about Boss’s and Role Models that you would choose to follow.

“When you’re at your 30’s, please find a good boss. A good boss is better than a good company.  A good boss will train you and develop you.” – Jac Ma

I truly believe in what he said, because there will be leaders or boss’s who are so attached to the position thinking that they will live in an eternity, and wants to keep all the glory to themselves and these boss’s will surely hinder you from growing. Unlike boss’s that would want you to learn from them and prepares you for succession or preservation of his / her legacy for the world.

In my opinion, this is why it is important to not get attached to leaders nor positions, it should be the vision we are all focusing on. A vision that would help create better lives for people in the society.

“Good leaders create more leaders, not more followers.” – Tom Peters

If you feel that people around you are most commonly there in front of you, either to become YES people, or people who are always in need of an ARGUMENT. I suggest you evaluate your decision to stay connected with these people or else you might be wasting years of your life in unhealthy relationships that will not help you grow as an individual/professional.

If you ever decide to walk away from these people here’s a note to remember, if you have been in the same situation, don’t be depressed nor be intimidated, remember that as long as you did not do anyone wrong, try to learn from the experience then move on to become a better individual who will not be doing the same to others.

“When someone talks behind your back, just do the exact opposite of what they are telling.” – Unknown author

IN AN ARGUMENT..
Same with a discussion, this can be a battle field of thoughts and ideas, however, only one party will win or worse both parties will be on the losing end. Why? Because in this type of conversation we already know that people in both parties are already set with the goal to prove that “They are right,” and nobody wants to focus on “What is right?”, they are more focus on proving themselves to be RIGHT over the other person.

Arguments for me is a waste of time and effort, especially if you would be talking to someone who will not be willing to listen to your point of view, instead would like to insist that “They are RIGHT” even though it’s not based on rational thinking. What’s the point of entering such a conversation when you already know that the person in front of you has no goal to focus on “WHAT IS RIGHT” and has already won the debate even before the debate started, and is more focus with their ego to prove that “THEY ARE RIGHT”. It will be a waste of time and effort on your part and at the same time what’s worst, it could lead to broken relationship that would happen after the conversation.

I really liked the story of Mr. Morgue about the three classes of people from three different islands. The classes of people are called the Barbarians, the other are the Loving and Trustful people, and last are the Rationalists.

In his explanation of the three classes of people. Here are some of his thoughts (not exact words)
based from my understanding and my own words;

THE BARBARIANS
These are the type of people to whom you cannot reason with, these are the class of people who will not be focus on “WHAT IS RIGHT”, they do whatever they think is right and can become predators who focus on destroying other people. These types of people can become extremist and can lead to behavior that advocates extreme action (such as Psychopaths “people who knows what is good from evil, yet still decides to do what is evil”, Terrorist “a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuits of political aims”, etc.)

THE LOVING, TRUSTFUL, AND GULLIBLE
These are the people who promotes love and peace, to them love is everything. They trust everyone, they love everyone, they believe that love conquers all. I personally like these types of people living in a loving island, because, this is the “IDEAL” or perfect island that everyone would love to live on. The only problem with these type of people, they are gullible and naive in believing that love can conquer all even with people like the Barbarians.

Usually they end up becoming victims of the Barbarians, because when the Barbarians asked them to allow them to enter their Island, they would allow the Barbarians to enter, and from there with the mindset of the Barbarians which is to conquer and control, they would end up being abused by these people that they allowed to enter their island.

They love people without having to evaluate on whether the people to whom they offer their love will love them back. I would say that they can be called martyrs, and these class of people are blinded by unrequited love. They are the type of people who will allow themselves to be hit by rocks that you’ve thrown to them, and then throw you back “BREAD” and “LOVE” instead of fighting back.

THE RATIONALIST
The Rationalist are the class of people who based their actions and decisions in critical and rational thinking. When I say critical thinking, they analyze and evaluate their decisions, they don’t solely depend on emotions such as “LOVE” nor “HATE”. They base their decisions on “WHAT IS RIGHT”. Rationalist also live in a loving and peaceful environment supported with the belief that everyone has equal rights, however, when rights of people are stepped upon and rule of law is not practiced. These types of people will not remain silent and stand on the side.

They can be considered as people who will not allow themselves to be stepped upon. They stand on the belief of rational thinking, thinking which is based in accordance with reason or logic. When “You love me, I will love you back”, “you betray me, I will kick your ass!!”, it’s as simple as that.

Rationalist will allow you into their islands if you live in harmony with respect to each other’s right. They don’t allow Barbarians into their islands and are willing to take arms to fight the Barbarians when these Barbarians are threatening their freedom and threatening the peace in their land. When you throw rocks at them, they will not throw bread, but throw bigger rocks at those who threw rocks at them (unless these Barbarians stop throwing rocks at them and just live their lives peacefully in their islands).

With all that have been said, I want to ask you which do you prefer? A discussion or an argument? Are you the Barbarian and the Loving and trustful, or   are you a rationalist?

I would personally say that I’m a rationalist and I’d rather not engage into an argument and I personally try my best to avoid being in a conflict that I consider as “NOT WORTH IT”, I try to avoid being in such situations because I do admit that I also have the tendency to become an obstinate person and based from my own experience, when I engaged in a conversation with people who are not there to find out “WHAT IS RIGHT” and instead  they are in front of you to prove to you that “THEY ARE RIGHT”. I usually end up breaking long-term bonds that I’ve made with these close friends and families.

For my personal learning in such situations. I learned that it’s best to keep away from these people that were previously closed to me and not talk to them in a period of time, until I believe that they would be willing to focus on “WHAT IS RIGHT”, rather than proving themselves that “THEY ARE RIGHT” or perhaps I myself get to feel it’s time for me to move on about an issue I had with the person, and that I feel like I can already handle the fact that this person is a friend or family that will not listen to rational advice but our relationship is still worth saving.

When you engage yourself in an argument, you end up arguing with an idiot and here is what Robert Kiyosaki had to say about arguing with idiots;

“The problem with arguing with an idiot is that there are soon two idiots: you and the person you’re arguing with.” – Robert Kiyosaki

If you think your relationship is still worth saving or perhaps it can be on the status of being casual and rational with these people, that’ll be great, however, to give you a heads-up, there will be people who will not have the same mindset as yours. So as a rational thinker, it’s better to be prepared for disappointments and try to do your best to keep a safe distance away from such toxic people.

They will just end up dragging you down, better to surround yourself with people who would love to be in a good discussion with you, rather than have an argument with you.

Hopefully after you read this article in every conversation you engage yourself as a person or a professional, you get to learn to start and say “What is right?” over “I am right!“.

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My Personal quotes

In this blog post, I just want to compile some of the personal quotes I’ve made. These quotes are usually some of the advice that I give to my students that also helped me in my journey both for personal and professional growth.

“There’s a difference between people who want to control you and people who want to correct you: people who want to control you want to manipulate you and get angry when you don’t do what they say; people who want to correct you give you advice but believe in your free will to make the best decision for yourself.”

Rodrigo Bonzerr S. Lopez

“Learning is a matter of finding your purpose, find your purpose and you’ll be the wisest man who lived.”

Rodrigo Bonzerr S. Lopez

“Fear is a friend, it limits you in doing some things, but will push you to extremes you can never imagine.”

Rodrigo Bonzerr S. Lopez

“I would like to define the success of my leadership style by the numbers of leaders I helped to create who have good decision making skills, critical/rational thinking, and the character that is built through VALUES and not by the numbers of people who blindly follow my footsteps.”

Rodrigo Bonzerr S. Lopez

“You must KNOW, then UNDERSTAND, then REMEMBER, and then APPLY what you have learned, KURA.”

Rodrigo Bonzerr S. Lopez

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“TIME” my best learning partner

I remember during high school, I wasn’t really into becoming a musician, but I enjoy listening to alternative bands and rock music. It was my younger sister who loved music a lot. She is a great singer (very proud brother here) and I got interested in learning how to play the guitar when she bought our first guitar.

Original Song by Sidhaya titled: “Say Goodbye”

I love listening to my favorite songs, however, I never imagined that I’ll be able to play them with the use of a guitar. I was the laughing stock of my friends when I sung one of my favorite songs written by the Eraserheads titled “Huling El Bimbo”.

I recorded that song in an old cassette tape and I asked some of my friends to go and listen to it. They laughed at me and said that I was totally out of tune. I didn’t mind them laughing and I even laughed with them as we listened to my singing because the truth is, they were speaking the truth and I was really out of tune (I am a person who likes to surround myself with people who are not “Yes” people. I really appreciate it when people have the courage to tell me the truth, even if it means slapping me on the face with the intention to help me improve and correct me if I’m wrong.)

It really didn’t matter if they laughed at me, I appreciated the value of their opinion and because I enjoyed playing and singing (even though I was really not that good with it). I love singing and I really enjoy writing.

From those beginnings I still pursued playing music and kept on writing lyrics and stories. I started my band during college and I was able to become the lead guitar of my first band the 3pm band. I wanted to play and enjoy the stage.

I am not gifted to have a golden voice, but I enjoy singing and playing music. I don’t agree with people when they say that they can’t learn how to play the guitar, because from being a boy who was laughed at for singing and recording his own voice which is out of tuned, I learned how to sing and I am now even writing my own songs for my band SIDHAYA, even though I am not the best vocalist that my band could have, at least we enjoy playing our music together and there are other people who enjoyed listening to our original music.

I just loved the quote of Michael Jackson when he said that “Music is my outlet, it is my gift to the world, I will be remembered through my music.”

The moral that I want to tell readers of this article is that, you should never let people around you to dictate to you that you can’t do it. That you are not ready, if you love what you are doing, don’t let people hinder you from doing things that you love to do even if you encounter challenges like being mocked or laughed at. As long as you know that you are doing nothing wrong, and that you not are not stepping on other people’s rights go for it.

Live your life to the fullest because we only die once and we should live every day and every time we are given, the blessing of waking up for another day to fulfill our dreams and enjoy life. You should always believe in yourself and continue learning to improve and BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. 

I believe everyone can learn something as long as they are really interested and that they are willing to exert the effort and invest their TIME to achieve whatever they want to learn. It is about the amount of effort you want to exert to achieve acquiring the skill that you want to learn.

Remember that life is all about our choices, its your choice if you want to be dictated, if you want to be successful, if you want to be happy, if you want to be good, if you want to be bad, if you want to be nice, if you want to be rude, if you want to improve on a certain skill.

A person need to have perseverance and commitment to learn, I am sure that you can also learn how to play your favorite music, learn how to play a musical instrument, learn to code, learn to be good at a certain subject, you just need to make a choice and choose to decide and tell yourself that you can learn it.

If I can do it, I am sure you can also do it. Its a matter of investing your time and setting your goals for learning. This also applies in any subject matter that you want to learn. Just never give up, and never allow doubt to kill your dreams.

Passion is the key and having the right mindset is the working arm to push you forward and become better in everything that you do. You must first believe that you can, then it will transmute into reality and physical form, just remember that the main investment that you need to sacrifice is TIME and EFFORT for achieving what you want to learn.

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TIPS FOR DE-ESCALATION

As a self-defense instructor and safety officer, one of the first thing that I usually tell my students is the importance of learning de-escalation skills. I tell them that a big percentage of conflicts can be de-escalated if we learn how to approach a situation in a way that we are not proving ourselves to be always right, instead we are looking at the situation and we are trying to prove what is right that will be benefiting both parties involved. I also tell them that if ever you do decide to escalate, ask yourself is it really going to be worth it? Will it be worth it to escalate to physical force that can lead to you getting hurt? You getting to hurt another person? You possibly getting a legal case against you and the time and anxiety you will need to deal with after an argument and altercation.

In my personal experience of trying to de-escalate some conflicts on the street or even with people that I know that got engaged into verbal arguments that sometimes led to the use of physical force. Here are some of the common things that I personally have used in trying to de-escalate a situation.

Do not talk back, try to listen, and know the details on why the person in front of you is irate.

The first thing that I would usually do in a situation that I know will be involving an argument and not a discussion is gather enough information from the other person. Not talking back allows me to focus on what the other person is talking about. I get to also try to figure out why is this person so mad or angry at me? Not talking back is also a way for me to look for mistakes of the other person, especially if we are in front of an authority.

I remember one time when I got into a car accident and we got hit by a truck in our hometown. The driver of the truck during the investigation said that he didn’t saw our vehicle. When he said that, that was the time that I explained in front of the investigator that as a professional driver. Someone, who has a driver’s license, we should always be aware of our surroundings when we are driving. I said that if he said that he didn’t see us, is that really a good excuse? What if it was a kid crossing the street and he was not observant of his surroundings, then that kid might have gotten hurt. I was able to gather enough information from the other driver leading to me finding his fault during the conversation. I know that we were not at fault during that time and even the traffic enforcers were on our side. We didn’t file any case against the driver because it was just a dent on our vehicle and my mother knew the owners of the truck and we didn’t want any further escalation of the situation, so we decided to let it go and hopefully the driver learned his lesson and hopefully he will be more careful behind the wheel because lives are at stake, not only his life but also the lives of other people.

This experience was really one of those events that I would say that not talking back and keeping your mouth shut to try and stop escalating a situation would really be the best way for you to try and de-escalate a situation. It is also a good method of gathering enough information about the other party and find fault with words that they use during a situation that you can take advantage of during an investigation, especially, when you know that you are not at fault.

If you have learned the reason of the confrontation, try to do your best to make the person calm down by not aggravating the person through reasoning out while the person is expressing his / her concern.

One of the memorable experiences from where I was able to implement my skills in de-escalation was when I was with my students during a community immersion activity that we organized as volunteers in one of the Barangay’s in Sampaloc, Manila.

There was this father who was looking for his kid and was angry with my students for including his kid in their community / volunteer activities for the kids in that locality. He was really shouting and cursing my students when he found out that his kid joined the activity for kids that my students prepared for the kids in that community.

It was a good thing that before we went to that community. I have relayed the information to my students that we should learn to adapt to the environment from where we will be going and organizing our volunteer activities. One of the reminders that I’ve taught them was the techniques of de-escalation, especially the no 1 advice that I gave them is that when someone angry approaches them they should just keep quite and stop talking while maintaining a safe distance from the person in front of them. I usually conduct personal protection lectures to my student volunteers before we go to communities to ensure that as we go to the community from where we will try to conduct our activities. They will be prepared and that we can look after each other’s back for the safety of the members of our group.

During that event, my students were really shocked because the father of the kid was big and scary. The good thing was I was there when the father arrived and started cursing the student volunteers.

I just relayed the hand signal that I taught them during our class discussion. I taught my students that if ever there is a situation from where I will need to catch their attention and they are doing some other things or if noise is distracting us from communicating. They should know the hand signal for stopping whatever they are doing and if they are talking, I would want them to stop and focus their attention to me through using a close fist hand signal.  

Try to look for someone in authority to assist you in the situation, especially if the person who is aggravated is someone who lives within their neighborhood.

Situational awareness is a learned skill. This is something that everyone can learn, and not only military personnel can use for their safety. The first thing that I tell my students in NSTP when we go to communities to conduct community immersion is to make sure that we have gathered enough information from the community, and we have done “passive recon” or have tried to at least be familiarized with strategic locations from where we can easily get help if in case an emergency may arise. In my years of experience as an instructor who goes to communities to conduct feeding and other community related activities to those who are less fortunate. One of the things that I would want to ensure is the safety of my students when we go there. Therefore, making sure that we have proper communication with the authorities, and we coordinate our activities accordingly is really very important before conducting any activity in any of the affiliated communities we go to.

I also explain to my students that they should learn to adapt to the environment and as much as possible act like natives. If ever there will be situations that may threaten our volunteer’s safety, we should have a way to easily communicate and ask for assistance from the authorities within that local area.

In my example above from where a father really got angry at my students for letting his kid join the activities that the students conducted in the community. It was a good thing that we had proper coordination with the local community leader, and we were able to easily ask for assistance in trying to de-escalate the situation when the irate father went to our venue.

“Insults are the last resort of the weak-minded when they feel powerless.”

Unknown

Remember to try and control yourself to not make sarcastic comments about the situation that could further escalate the emotional condition of the person who is in front of you.

In the Philippines, one of the common traits that I have so far observed is that we have the tendency to escalate situations rather than try to escalate it because of either negative humor or ego.

I had an experience with some of my students in a school that I’ve handled from where my students encouraged kids that we handled in the community who were already fighting and instead of trying to mediate and de-escalate the situation they made fun of the situation. I was disappointed back then and had to lecture my students.

I told them what is so funny with kids who are about to get into a fist fight? Is it funny to see human beings hurting each other? I made sure that we didn’t end that day’s volunteer activities without making them realize that its alright to have humor but not at the expense of people getting hurt. It’s a common experience that I have, and I have observed in some of our communities here to see kids getting into a fist fight and instead of some adults trying to mediate. Either the adults will join in, or they laugh and allow the kids to keep at the activity they are doing.

I remember being in one time when I was in one of our wet markets in my town in Marilao and saw two kids getting into a fist fight and the adults were just watching. I had to stop both those kids from continuously punching one another and break the fight and told them to go home.

I just wanted to talk about these examples because most of the time, fights would usually escalate due to sarcasm and words that we utter. From verbal argument that leads to physical force due to sarcastic words that one party would have possibly uttered that led to the fight that originated from exchange of bad words escalating to a more physical fist fight.

“It is not insult from another that causes you pain. It is the part of your mind that agrees with the insult. Agree only with the truth about you, and you are free.”

Alan Cohen

Once you have identified the reason for the argument, try to explain your side of the story when the other person is done talking.

I tell my students that maintaining their composure and try to listen to the other person. They can gather more information this way and try to process whatever words the other person is using, especially if they really are hard to deal with and are up for an argument.

Usually this is where they will commit mistakes and will try to incriminate themselves. Therefore, it is best to stop talking back and wait for your turn to explain yourself to the authorities.

Now, if there is a case that its already your turn to talk, however, the other person talks while you’re talking, just stop and listen until they are done talking, this is so we could avoid further argument.

Direct your attention to officials who can assist in the situation

Try to direct your attention to the officials and try to explain your side of the story and explain to them that you will not talk until the other party is done explaining their side so that every details of their concern can be recorded and request from the officials to instruct the other party to do the same, this is to avoid further arguments and the authority can hear both sides without anyone interrupting.

ADDITIONAL SAFETY REMINDERS:

Always observe a safe distance from your assaulter especially if nobody is around to assist you or there is no authority nearby from where you can ask for help.

Never lower down you guard nor be complacent, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Evaluate and find escape routes while the person is talking.

Explore the environment and look for an equalizer, you also need to prepare to escalate and defend yourself when worst comes to worst and when the person resorts to physical violence.

“When someone talks badly of you behind your back, just do the exact opposite of what they are saying. People will soon see who they really are, so don’t waste your energy by stooping down to their level and just do what is right.”

– Unknown Author

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How I relate Martial Arts to Coding and the NSTP subject

I’ve been into Filipino Martial Arts since I was in my secondary education. I want to promote it as a cultural heritage here in my country. I am a black belt in two different Filipino Martial Arts systems. Lapunti Arnis De Abanico ( under the wing of Master Cris Ampit ) and WEDOSCAMAI “War Escrimador Death Offensive Sikad Combat Arnis Martial Arts International” ( under the wing of Grandmaster Frank Soberino ) and also have studied under Grandmaster Jesus Cosio Pallorina (OIDO “Natural Movements” Labugay style).

It has been one of my passion since I was a young boy. I still even have my “Kamagong” wooden swords that was hand made by my father when he was still alive. He saw me watching one of the movies of Lito Lapid “Arnis” and he modeled the swords from that movie. I really loved that movie and was imitating the movements of Arnis, that’s why my father decided to make me those wooden swords.

I believe learning martial arts can be related to programming in a sense because learning martial arts is about practicing the discipline as a lifestyle, and having the perseverance and dedication to train and develop good habits that you will not only be able to use during an altercation, but most importantly, the discipline and character that you will be able to develop and use in your daily living.

“The skills we learn in any martial arts system for self-defense, are skills we can normally use in case to case situations during events that require us to defend ourselves against atrocious elements in society, however, the character and discipline that we get to develop in learning martial arts, will definitely be very useful for our daily living. Learning to value life, respecting people, practicing good human relationships and developing the discipline of a person who will engage into any industry that involves the need for professionalism. I really believe that character development is one of the most important aspects of learning any martial arts system.”

-Rodrigo Bonzerr S. Lopez

I was involved into NSTP because of the call for volunteerism and topics related to daily activities that we encounter in our lives. That’s perhaps the biggest reason why I got attracted to teaching the subject. It can be related to one of my long term passion which is Filipino Martial Arts. As I went back into learning coding, I can really relate both NSTP and Filipino Martial Arts in learning how to program, we need to be able to practice lifetime learning. Both NSTP and martial arts for me is a lifestyle that we practice and I really believe as I immersed myself back into programming. The similar aspect is found in learning programming skills. It involves lifetime learning and continuously seeking ways to improve oneself and innovate and find better solutions to problems that you will encounter in different situations in life.

“A Samurai must always be polite.”

Old Samurai Saying

Similar to coding, we can see that learning martial arts is going to be a life style that we need to practice, with the continuous evolution of technology as programmers we need to have a positive learning mindset and be able to adapt to frequent changes in our working environment. In both discipline, we practice having a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset.

In martial arts, I personally believe as a combat practitioner, we need to learn how to adapt to the situation and current events that we are faced with.

I always tell my students that they should not have a fixed mindset when it comes to tactics and approaches on how to survive an actual altercation. They need to be able to observe, plan, and not just stick to one tactic but instead learn to evaluate and “debug” the situation by finding the best solution and applying the most efficient approach or tactic that they can utilize that will be suitable to a certain situation. Aiming of course for them to be able to survive an actual real life self-defense scenario. The goal is to adapt the most efficient survival strategy and survive.

Here are some of my videos in my Youtube channel for learning self-defense tactics through Filipino Martial arts.

ARNIS BASICS

Solo Baston Free Flow (Carenza)

Different Weapon Hand Positioning

OTSO TEROS (8 Targets for basic Controlled strikes)

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My thoughts about the quote “Customers are always right”

by: rodprogramdev

We are all in the field of customer service and as a current professional or a future professional in any field, most of the things that we do, are for the sake of our customers. This may be the reason why a popular reminder by business owners to their employees is the quote that says, “Customers are always right!!”

This is a common quote that you will hear in training and development of companies for their employees, that we should always treat our customers as if they are always right. This is so that employees will take an extra effort in giving value to the service that they provide to the customers of the business.

I would say that giving value to customers is really an important part of being in the professional industry. It’s really important that we value our customers and make sure that they get the best services and products that we can offer so that we can build trust and a long-term relationships with them, however, the quotation saying that customers are always right is really not right all the time.

I remember a college professor of mine that gave me a different paradigm when it comes to giving value to customers that I carried with me up to present. My professors name was Mr. Corpin, and he was one of the professors that I really admired and who inspired me to study very well in his management subject. He gave this motivational tip in handling customers that I was able to carry in the different industries that I’ve entered in the professional world.

During one of his class he discussed to us that quotation “Customers are always right”, he said that this is a very good point of view, however, there is a much better way of valuing our customers and that is through the quote “Customers are not always right, but they have all the right.”

This quote made a really big impact when I started to work as a working student, from being a tricycle driver, who valued how my passengers would feel when they take a ride in my tricycle, and how I give extra effort in helping out passenger with their items when they get off.

 I also remember the time when I worked as a part-time waiter in ARKS restaurant in my local community. I encountered a customer who tried to embarrass me in front of other customers in his table, this was because of an incident when I was clearing their table and I almost dropped a glass of water on top of the tray that I was using for getting some of the items on top of their table.

I almost dropped it on one of his colleague, even though I did catch the glass (I made use of my great spidey reflexes) even though the customer who I almost accidentally drop the glass didn’t complain because there was no harm done to him during that moment. This other customer on the other hand who really made it look like that I intentionally wanted to drop the tray, insinuated in a sarcastically arrogant manner, that I should have dropped the tray, and he really pointed it out with a loud voice making it really embarrassing for me because most of the people who were eating at the table was already looking at me and their attention was caught due to this customer who emphasize my clumsiness, although it was merely a near miss incident.

It was a very embarrassing moment for me and was quite a traumatic experience for a newly hired guy on the job, everyone at that table was looking at me. Worst part was that one of them was a sister of a school mate of mine during my secondary education.

I believe that even though the customer was not right to treat me the way he did, and even try to escalate the situation by raising his voice and really having the intention to embarrass me in front of the other guest in the room, I just apologized and tried to understand that there will always be customers who are like that. Thanks to Mr. Corpin’s advice to us, I was really able to utilize the mindset and his advice during that moment. I’m proud to say that it really helped me to deal with that difficult customer in a highly professional manner.

I was also able to use this mindset when I was able to enter the call center industry and I landed a job as a customer service representative for a telecommunication company in the U.S. from where I worked as a warranty call center agent. From the word warranty, I’m sure you all know that most customers that you would be expecting to call will definitely be a customer who has a complain about a product or service.

In our office from where agents or CSR’s (Customer service representatives) would usually take their calls. I usually hear some of my teammates venting out their stress because of highly difficult customers who are sometimes impolite and are irate. Some of my teammates would usually mute their Avaya phones just to burst out loud their emotions and release stress by speaking profane words. It would be as if you were sitting with a person who is in a fight.

I really don’t blame them, because there really are some customers who are a bit unreasonable, however, on my part, thanks to the mindset of my professor that he shared to us, I am very proud to say that never did I muted my unit for me to speak and vent out my feelings and emotions with the other person on the other line. Even though I also encountered customers who were really rude, some were highly irritating, unreasonable, some would even try to degrade me as a person, and yet I really handled my customers without me muting my phone then expressing my frustration for that customer.

This is mainly because I inculcated in my heart and mind, that they have the right to express their feelings even though it’s not right for them to disrespect me, I look at the perspective on how I can help this other person on the phone, and be able to provide them a solution to their problem. I wanted to give value to my customers because I was very grateful for my job and I know that I won’t be in that job if not for them.

It was my job to do my best to give service to my customer’s needs, and I enjoyed providing solutions than getting engulfed by the challenge of dealing with highly difficult customers and feeling emotional about it. I look at the situation not as a problem or when customers are being disrespectful, I did not take it too personally, instead I looked at it in a way that this is a challenge that I want to solve, without me treating the situation too personally up to a point that I will be stooping down to the level of mindset of the customer through picking up the trash (negativity) that they were throwing at me.

I even remember a customer from when there was this one situation from where I was about to log out and it was the end of my shift,  however, I had a customer who called and then our line got cut off. I took the extra effort to call back the customer to assist him further, however, when he answered back during my introduction spill, he was really irate, this was because during that time, he was having an argument with his wife. He vented out his emotions through shouting on the phone. And again, as politely and in a very calm manner, I explained that I just really wanted to extend my assistance about his concern when he called, and that I really apologize due to me calling back during a very inconvenient time for him. I just explained that I wanted to find a solution to his concern when he called.

It really felt good when I was able to de-escalate the situation, because the anger of the customer slowly subsided and he even apologized for his behavior and told me that he was just really irritated due to the argument that he had with his wife. He even extended his appreciation and thanked me for understanding his situation. It really made me feel satisfied with my work during that moment and was quite proud of myself on how I handled that situation.

One mindset that I always use when dealing with difficult customers would be to put myself in their shoes. Empathy and the intention to really do my best to provide the service that the customer deserves was the thing in my mind. I also keep in mind that these people are just like me, who want to be given back proper remuneration for their time and money’s worth.

I’m sure that at some point you might also encounter difficult customers in the future. I know that at some point you will be dealing with a customer related situation as a future professional as an employee or a business owner, I hope that this mindset will help you deal with situations similar to the examples that I’ve given in this article.

Try to remember the famous quote of Captain Jack Sparrow “The problem is not the problem, it’s our attitude towards the problem.”

I hope that the mindset of “Customers are not always right, but they have all the right”, can help you provide your future customers the best service and you to become problem solvers, who will be able to focus your attention on finding a solution to a problem and not focus on the negative emotions that you might encounter coming from some difficult customers in the future.